An intimate relationship can take up a lot of your time and energy. Instead of focusing on your goals, you're busy going out for dinners or spending money on vacations with your s/o. It's a great thing when that relationship motivates you and makes you a better person, but what happens when it is more unhealthy and negative than anything? Spoiler alert: change your focus. Learn to chase your dreams instead of boys.
Growing up I always had this image of what I was looking for in the "perfect guy". He would have to be 6'4, tanned, brown hair, physically fit, like sports, have hobbies, be educated, drive type x car, own house x, etc. It sounded like a business plan more than anything.
I was so fixated on the details instead of my feelings for the person, which is way more important than a list of requirements, I kept falling for the wrong guys over and over again. Until one day I stopped and asked myself: why was I dating these guys? What was pushing me to look for these traits in men? Did I have these traits in myself? Aha! No I didn't. I was investing all of my time and energy into guys and making my relationships work, instead of focusing on ME.
When you're constantly in a relationship, you never get to know who YOU are. What are yours goals, what do you want to achieve? You're always thinking for two. I had completely forgotten what it was like to thing for myself and my future. Then when I broke up with my s/o, I was lost. I had no idea where to begin.
I had to start from scratch. I had to ask myself what was it that I truly wanted? I realized the reason why I was so fixated on a list of requirements wasn't because I wanted someone that had those things, it was because I wanted to have those things for myself.
So instead of searching for a guy who fit every requirement from my list, I became my list. I worked towards my goals and my accomplishments first. I developed a deeper love for what I did, then chasing men for the wrong reasons. I found purpose in my craft. Soon enough, I had enough to open my very own company. That feeling was more fulfilling than any guy I had ever dated in the past.
That's when everything changed. I was no longer looking for a guy who fit the requirements from my list. When you have something to call your own, you are not coming off as if you "need" a man in your life but rather you want one to build your empire with side by side not one step ahead of you. So I encourage you to start putting yourself first. Set your standards high, reach your goals and the rest will follow.