I spend a lot of my time discussing marriage with girls my age and I realize that my generation (GenY) especially has very mixed thoughts about the idea - which I do understand for multiple reasons; heck I come from a 'failed marriage', although my parents never really got married. That's another discussion, for now back on topic, the reason why I do is because to me, marriage is not a contract; it’s a binding of unity. We've lost the essence of what it means to come together and unite, to create for the right reasons.
Photo Credit - Youtube
There’s two things people have the hardest time giving up - trust and money. People have a hard time giving you their money and even a harder time giving you their trust. It takes years to build both, and just a second to break it.
When you get married, in the proper original way, you are giving away both. Your trust, into building a life and family with this complete stranger, hoping they won't wake up one day and kill you or even worst in some cases, leave you. and your money, because you are meant to share your assets in order to build on generational wealth. Here's where the lines are blurred : we no longer give up either of these things when we get married, hence why there's no true purpose for marriage in my generations brain.
Let's look at history to prove this point. In the last century, people has misconstrued the ideology of marriage. It used to be fairly simple; girl meets boy, gets married, has babies, boy goes off to work to bring home bacon, girl takes care of children and household. Live happily together in matrimony, the end. It worked from 1920-1940.
Photo Credit - Intellectual TakeOut
Then something happened. I blame women in this scenario. At the time, women started to develop this fake insecurity, based on the fact that although they were united and had a family, they were lacking somewhere. Financially and as individuals, they were only partly responsible for their assets. So instead of trusting their men and feeling secure, their vulnerabilities from postpartum made them create this resentfulness for feeling this way and accuse their men. To stir the pot as women do very well, they would come home and start questioning, from a place of mistrust. "Where did you go after work ? Who's that girl you're talking to ? Where are you spending our money ?
Accusing our men, made them in turn get insecure about our relationship. "How could she not trust me ? I sweat and work so hard every day to bring home a hot meal to my family and now she's accusing me of treachery?". Now the men get angry. They get defensive, and they start acting from a place of ego to protect themselves. Since they no longer feel appreciated, or loved from their partner they eventually commit adultery. Now women are even more upset, and this creates a very tense next generation of 1940-1960 where, again women are forced to enter into this so called marriage for security, but now they know deep down what the men are doing, so they never really give themselves fully to them while the men in turn never really fully giving themselves either and stay in their ego.
Photo Credit - The Daily Beast
The ego needs to be fed, so of course they focus their energy on gaining sexual conquests, and amassing more wealth. There's a slight change in the 1970's, where now women are working, and can gain back a bit of their independence. So now, they enter into marriages for slightly better reasons... They want to raise a family together, and build an empire. The problem here is, they're still not doing it from a place of love. There was no such thing as talking openly about emotions in that time, so men and women got together and built families but didn't give their children the love they needed to survive. They just focused on building co-dependent salaries, and families.
Photo Credit - The Telegraph
Then came Generation Y, the 'knot yet' generation who is constantly analyzing and wondering why we do what we do. We were raised to be independent, to build wealth, and we have a peak interest in following our passions which was not an option for previous generation who was still focused on survival instincts and stacking reserves for their future.
Yet we are so terrified of commitment because our parents and their parents screwed up so bad, that we avoid it all together. When things get hard, we change our partners. When a job gets tough, we quit. No money ? No problem! We share rides, we co exist, we are citizens of the world! And we are terribly lonely. Because we have no sense of what it means to co-exist, for real. Yes, certain places like Quebec has come up with ways to fix this by saying that after five years of co-dependance you are technically married by law. But otherwise, we are not forced to make a commitment of any kind because we never have to give up the two things that make us the most vulnerable and REAL in a relationship : our trust, and our money. We don't have to get married in order to date, so we stay in relationships that we know are not fulfilling enough and because we now have two independent incomes we never have to share our wealth. Therefor we are not uniting or becoming a family, even when we are.
This is going to cause even bigger problems for my sisters generation, who's instant gratification is also feeding the ego and let's not even get started for my nieces and nephews... The only way to solve this now, is to work on fixing ourselves first before choosing to become half of a whole. Learning how to be independent, yes at its core that is essential but also learning how to trust and be vulnerable with the opposite sex, in a way that makes them understand we are not perfect, but we are looking for real, unconditional love. Not one built for ulterior motives, to gain social status, or to marry into financial wealth (which has clearly proven to fail horribly in history) but simply to come together for love. Real love. That's all we really have to give.
Photo Credit - The Bucket List Family
Cover Photo credit - The Spruce