Forgiveness is an art, a practice, a skill that can be sharpened and refined. It opens space in our minds, hearts, and physical bodies. It mends, heals, reconnects, and creates closeness and unconditional love. It sets us free, removes blocks, and lessens our chance of developing any disease or disturbance. Forgiveness is what can make or break our relationships and heal the internal trauma we carry within.
Forgiveness and attachment do a powerful dance in the arena of healing. We cling to the narratives of our experiences and allow these stories to create our identity and form the character we share with the world around us. These attachments can be a driving force that shatters our relationship with ourselves and the relationships we attempt to create after the perceived wrong and harm. Some of us carry this unneeded cross around our entire lives showing up as the eternal victim, and block and guard our hearts because we either have decided we can not trust ourselves or trust others.
So, why do we choose to hold onto our resentments and the NEED to be right about specific events? Why are we so fearful about looking at ourselves and admitting we are harming ourselves or being selfish and self-centered toward others? Why do we carry these burdens that keep us estranged from people we genuinely love and miss? So much of our inability to let go is about our heart space. We close our hearts when we walk through disappointment, betrayal, rejection, abuse, and neglect. We Have to rationalize our/others’ behavior to find a way to manage the feelings. We create stories that we share as life unfolds that cast blame, make excuses, and ultimately force us to live with fear, anger, and, sometimes, hatred.
At different ages and phases of life, we will find ourselves heavy with these internal burdens. Anytime you are actively participating in relationships with other humans beings, we open ourselves up to the experience of heartbreak. The truth is, all of this pain and disturbance is affecting ourselves, not the person we are unwilling to forgive. We carry the heaviness along for the ride and become numb to the consequences it is creating. Our self-righteousness, pride, and victim mentality set the stage for our lives as every 24 hours ends and begins.
I know so many of us have had the unspeakable occur within our lifetimes. Events that seem not to make sense have shaped how we view ourselves, others, and the world. I want to offer the idea that whatever has been “done” was done by a hurt person, someone who most likely carries their trauma, darkness, and unhealed places. We practice forgiveness for ourselves. We practice acceptance, personal responsibility, and surrender for our hearts and souls. We look at ourselves and take accountability for our parts. We let go with love and pray that we can learn from these experiences and allow them to make us softer, deeper, more connected, and accessible.
The freedom comes with a depth of awareness, knowing that expectations and resentments are ideas that can be completely surrendered. The need to carry this further will only continue to recreate more pain, confusion, loss, and despair. Suppose we continue down our path without healing this crucial aspect of our humanness that we DO have absolute power over. In that case, we will continue to call in the same experiences that confirm what that past led us to believe—forgiveness is a choice. We can choose to let the ebb and flow of life unfold, trusting that we are all simply here learning, practicing, evolving, and becoming better versions of ourselves.
For more on Stacey and her insightful practices, follow her on Instagram : @StaceyRX1Coaching
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