I’m grateful to every single asshole that treated me badly in the past, and here’s why.

It’s not uncommon to hear coaches and so-called “gurus” wax poetic about how your past is sabotaging your future and keeping you from what you desire – like “knock your socks off” type of love.

And while this is inherently true, I’d like to turn this idea on its head and say it differently:

Your past is your superpower and the catalyst to you finding that incredible love, if you let it.

I know you’ve been through a lot. I also know that your new loving relationship will feel that much greater, because of this – all the pain and drama of not being appreciated for the goddess you are.

Here’s the truth. You’re in this pattern because of a deeply held belief that love is hard/you aren’t worthy of love/you aren’t good enough/all men cheat/insert belief here.

Consciously or not, this belief has been running your life causing you to think, speak and act in ways that keep you attracting, accepting and participating in love with the same results. Which of course, proves your beliefs to be true. And so continues the pattern.

If I were a psychologist, I’d call this confirmation bias. As a Love Coach, I call this a dating pattern aka “your past”, and something you can use to your advantage.

This pattern gives us all the insight we need into what you believe to be true about love, relationships and your worth. Once we’re clear on what these are, we can replace them one by one.

Our pasts have hidden within them myriad of gifts. They’ve given us grit, the courage to walk away, and countless lessons learned. They’ve helped shape who we are and who we’re stepping into. They’ve also helped us define more clearly what we want, based on experiencing the opposite.

Turns out, duality is a necessary ingredient to our thriving love lives.

By experiencing some of my own less than desirable dating patterns in my teens and twenties, I got crystal f*****g clear on exactly what I wanted and what I would stay away from.

To prove this, I wrote out the list of things I liked about each guy from my past, and compared them to the incredible man I’m now married to. The results were uncanny. He had every single one of those qualities, and more.

My past relationships were slowly (and painfully) helping me put together the pieces of the puzzle to create this extraordinary (and damn sexy) picture of the man I most desire. That’s the thing with connecting the dots, we can only do so looking back.

My past has also primed me for doing work I’m incredibly passionate about. Had I not experienced the pain of choosing men who didn’t see my worth, I wouldn’t be able to relate to the women I work with on such a real level.

Your past is the perfect training ground for the big love you’re calling in. You don’t need to unpack all the messy details. You simply need to look at the big picture, see what you’ve created and decide what you’re going to do differently.

In the meantime, remember that your past is not your present, or your future – and it certainly isn’t your crutch. Your past is your superpower to attracting big love, if you let it.

Love Coach Diana Eskander helps women in their 30s and 40s find love and keep it. She supports them in taking off the pressure, communicating with ease and calling in their love with such confidence, it has no choice but to show up.

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Learn more about Diana Eskander at www.dianaeskander.com.