Essenessë : Building an Elite Powerful Club for Women to Thrive
Hilary Silver is a clinical Psychotherapist turned Master Coach and founder of a multi- 7 figure/year company devoted to women’s well-being and achievement. With her background in neuroscience, psychology and relationships, and her 20+ years of business experience, she serves as private advisor and mentor to elite CEOs and entrepreneurs while they build their dream lifestyle and business, privately or inside of her mastermind.
Hilary’s next creation is called Essenessë; an exclusive, invitation-only private network for top performing female founders and entrepreneurs. The mission is to provide a space where women at this level can have meaningful conversations, forge friendships, support one another in expanding business revenue and impact, enjoy luxurious events and be a radical force for good in the world.
Tell our readers more about yourself, especially the parts that are not so known from your social media presence @IamHilarySilver
I was born to be an entrepreneur, it’s in my DNA. With two generations of entrepreneurs before me, I inherited this fierce determination to live life on my own terms, to be self-determining, autonomous and differentiated. I’ve always been unemployable and insubordinate.
I’ve really always taken the path least traveled, like a salmon swimming upstream. My mom used to always say “Hilary marches to the beat of her own drum”. I don’t know if she meant I was just not normal, or I was different or I was awkward or weird, but it has all come full circle.
When all of my peers landed their first jobs after college, and they got apartments and car loans, I sold my car and bought a one way ticket to Europe and eight months later came home from Indonesia.
I spent five years exploring the world and went to some of the most far-reaching, exotic and isolated places on the planet. I wanted to test myself and discover myself, and to figure out who I am and what I’m made of. I think it’s just been within me, it’s just who I am.
So you’ve always been a life explorer, I’m sure there’s so many life lessons you’ve probably learned along the way as well.
Absolutely, the biggest lesson I learned is that I can do anything I want, no matter how outrageous it may seem. I learned that the most rewarding and fulfilling path is the one I carve for myself, rather than doing what is expected. And above all, I learned I can trust myself ALWAYS.
Now walk us through your journey. This is more talking healing and transformations from being a therapist to a multi-million dollar master coach. What does that look like?
Well there’s the inner journey which of course is parallel to the outer journey. I was a therapist for 15 years, and I was one of the most successful practices in Denver with a waitlist and revenue. But then I discovered the world of online learning in 2014, and dove head first into that, developing programs and curriculum.
My goal was to be fully online, but I struggled for 4 long years, living in both worlds, before I finally cracked the code. And this is where the transformation comes in. As a highly trained clinical psychotherapist with thousands of clients and having done my own personal growth work, I had such a blind spot about why I couldn’t break through from what I was doing to what I was trying so hard to create.
Which was that I still had some deep inner beliefs that this success that I wanted wasn’t possible for me, and I couldn’t have it. It was unfathomable to me because everything else in my life I had always been able to do, like the travel, and starting my business right out of grad school, so it was a big blind spot for me. Once I worked my way through all of those lingering nuggets stuck deep inside of me, I was quickly able to break through.
I closed my practice for good in 2017 and went all in online and I created the Ready for Love program, and that program quickly became one of the most successful love coaching programs in the world. We put over 1,000 women through that program, we have a 92% success rate and we did $8,500,000.00 in just about four and a half years. I love that story because it was really that last little bit for me to just break through internally that allowed the huge success that I could have never imagined.
Now when it comes to this version of you and this success that you’ve encountered, I’m sure there are practices that you implement regularly to stay in this version of yourself that you are now. What does that look like ?
I’m an early riser, I always have been. Even when I was a teenager, I used to wake up early at sleepover parties not know what to do while all the girls slept late. I’m also a lover of routine so most days start the same, even when I’m on vacation.
I get up between 4:30 and 5:30 in the morning, when everyone else is still sleeping and the house is quiet. Coffee first, always. It’s like my best first part of the day. Then I spend that first thirty minutes to an hour of just really deep connecting with myself using the journaling method I developed that creates new neural pathways in the brain. I combine it with a guided visualization practice. Then I exercise almost everyday, see the kids off to school, take my dog for a walk, and begin work around 8:30 or 9:00 a.m. I work from home or at a private club that I belong to. It really is like an early start, but a leisure start to my day.
What advice would you now give to your younger self?
I’m a big believer in not rewriting our histories, even the painful parts because I wouldn’t want to mess anything that was part of my trajectory. However, it was a painful journey, and so I would tell my younger self that she isn’t as alone as she thinks and feels. And that she does belong, and she’s not an outsider and that she has the ability and power to create the connection that she didn’t even know she was longing for. I would tell her that she can have anything she wants, it’s up to her to determine that internally, it comes from within her, not external to her.
This informs my parenting now. The most important lesson I want my kids to walk away with is that they are in control of their own lives at all points in time and that they have to be their own best advocate, be their own best friend, their own ally, and always get their own back.
And this is at the forefront of what I teach women; the relationship with yourself is paramount. That no matter what is happening, you can take care of you, you’re going to be okay, and you are going to do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself. That’s really what I want every human to know.
Now when it comes to embodying success, what does it look like for you in terms of practices that you implement for that, and as well to stay in ease and flow?
Success to me is about achieving a state of being in my life that affords me the luxury of experiencing ultimate personal freedom. It’s being able to do what I want, when I want, where and how I want to do it. And, that I’m living a life that honors who I really am, and my values and what is important to me.
My morning routine allows me to tune in and connect with myself so I can make external adjustments to stay in alignment with my values. For example, because I value freedom and autonomy, I ask myself ‘what am I tolerating?’
I won’t do things that I don’t want to do or things that feel like self-betrayal both personally, or in business. If it’s out of alignment and it doesn’t match my values I make a change. That’s what ultimate success is, living the life that you want to be living, and to have the freedom to do that.
Tell us about your future projects, we know you have your upcoming launch of Essenessë the Social Club, and kind of give us all the things that are happening with that.
This is my most ambitious and audacious project yet. Essenessë is much bigger than me, it’s invitation-only private network of the most elite female founders and entrepreneurial women on the planet. Basically, it’s founded upon the desire for true authentic personal relationships and connection, because the reality is for most of us, the more successful we become, the lonelier and more isolated we feel in our personal lives.
There are masterminds or coach-led groups, but those are really with the purpose of growing businesses and it’s not the same thing. For many women, as we grow our companies, our wealth and our lifestyle, we outgrow some of the people who have been in our lives. We want to talk to other creators who understand what it takes to operate at this level and who have the capacity for our big personalities, ambitions and visions.
We want to be able to celebrate who we’ve become and what we’re creating without feeling judged or misunderstood. So, the five pillars of Essenessë are forging meaningful friendships, creating business opportunities and do deals together to advance each other’s business missions, impact and revenue, normalizing wealth, power and success for women, unapologetically enjoying a luxurious lifestyle with curated events and being a radical force for doing good in the world- because we all know that when women are united and we have wealth and power, we change the world.
The membership component will be the first to launch, but we are planning a multidimensional platform and I’m just so excited about it!
You are on a mission, as we know, to connect women in positions of power to influence each other. Now with this Club you will be doing so, tell us more about that.
Connection is so important for our wellbeing and quality of life- that is what inspires this entire membership-based community movement.
Women at the very top need and desire to be fully seen, expressed and supported and that is what Essenessë is providing. A place where the world’s most elite, powerful and influential women founders can be vulnerable and have the raw provocative conversations that would be considered taboo in their other circles.
I’m a natural community builder and know how to create a safe yet invigorating culture for women. My existing community has been active for five years now, and I can see firsthand just how valuable it is to my members.
As you know, we are always manifesting big visions, what does that look like for you now?
Men have always had secret societies and private clubs. Right now we are experiencing the dawn of the age of women.
Essenessë will be the first (and best) establishment designed to ensure the success, longevity and quality of life for women change-makers, trailblazers and visionaries.
You are also hand curating community for women. Why do you think women need more community and connection right now?
I think we’ve always needed community and connection. Not just for times of struggle and uncertainty but also in times of joy and celebration. It can feel awfully lonely to not have anyone to share our big wins and triumphs.
I really believe that communities are an extension and reflection of their leader.
So for me, Essenessë is about providing that safe place for women to be their biggest, boldest, bravest, badassiest self and it wouldn’t be considered bragging.
What do you feel you have been put on this Earth to do?
Exactly what I’m doing and what I have been doing for 25 years. It’s really leading women back to themselves. It was really hard to figure out how to answer that in one way because there’s so many pieces to it, but what it boils down to, I think the lowest common denominator here, like the thread underneath it all, is creating a deeply, connected, unshakable relationship with self.
That means that no matter what is going on externally in our lives, whatever the external conditions or circumstances are, when women have themselves to count on, to rely on, and they know they can trust themselves to always do what is best for themselves, to get their own backs, take care of themselves, they will be okay no matter what.
They can handle anything, and that then allows them to take risks, do the scary things, be fully expressed, be seen, because no matter what happens, she is going to win no matter what, and that’s I think what I’m really truly what I’m here to do, and now I get to create a community where women are doing that together, individually and collectively.
All Photo Credits – Julie Harris / Christa Meola
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